7 Sex Posts That Are So Inappropriate You’ll Spit-Laugh

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Screen Shot 2015-07-08 at 3.23.26 PMYou ever see a post so funny that you actually spit your drink out? Well, we’ve got some good ones for you. Just make sure your laptop is appropriately protected!

  1. “Bad things to say when you nut: whoopsie-doo, here comes the goo.” Or: a shot of goo from me to you!
  2. “‘Do you moan or cuss?’‘Depends how good the food is but usually both.’” Food porn!
  3. “Why is Santa’s sack so big? Because he only comes once a year.” Ooh, Santa baby!
  4. “I got birth control so I can stop being my boyfriend’s Toaster Strudel and start being his Twinkie.” Both are delicious!
  5. “It’s kinda funny how when you get older you start to enjoy the things you hated as a kid like taking naps and getting spanked.” The second one was kind of unexpected, but no one is disagreeing.
  6. “‘Is having a penis fun?’‘It has its ups and downs.’”Sometimes it’s a little hard.’‘It’s a pain in the ass.’” Come on, guys!
  7. “Blowing a dandelion is basically you helping a weed ejaculate.” Is that why it’s so joyful?

Looking for something risque? We can make you spit your drink out right on NiteFlirt!

Check out more inappropriate sex jokes: https://www.buzzfeed.com/andyneuenschwander/17-posts-that-are-both-hilarious-and-totall

‘Transgender’ Sex Robots Are Coming To A Bedroom Near You

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best_phone_sex_niteflirt_robotRealbotix wants to spice things up in your bedroom with an exciting new product—transgender sex robots. The company responsible for the female Harmony sex droid, a sexbot powered by artificial intelligence software, is now considering a trans version too. The lifelike sex dolls have their own personalities and can even have a conversation with you.

A male version is currently in development, but Realbotix said a transgender model could be the company’s next big project. “We do believe there is a market not only for transgender, but for any other sexual preferences of gender,” said Realbotix. The company already offers the option of transgender sex dolls without robotic function, but they say it wouldn’t be too difficult to re-design for a mixed-sex version. In the meantime, the new male Harmony sex robot will have “bionic penises” that would be “better than a vibrator.”

Looking for something to spring things up in your bedroom? Come experience the real thing right on NiteFlirt!

Check out more about transgender sex robots: https://nypost.com/2018/01/12/transgender-sex-robots-are-coming-to-a-bedroom-near-you/

12 Sex Scenarios That Definitely Don’t Happen In The Movies

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Screen Shot 2015-08-06 at 3.55.03 PMSex is very different from how it looks on the big screen. In real life, it’s definitely not as glamorous and it requires a lot more foreplay and lube. Here are 12 straight sex scenarios that happen IRL but not in the movies or on TV (check out the full list below).

  1. “One where the woman needs foreplay before she gets super wet, obvi.” Yes, in the magical land of television, foreplay is not important somehow…
  2. “One where lube is needed.” And again, lube is necessary everywhere but TV-land!
  3. “One where the guy needs to finish the girl off because some women don’t come from penetration alone.” Ladies first!
  4. “One where the guy can’t get it up because shit happens and honestly it’s not anyone’s fault.” Preach!
  5. “One where the girl has already climaxed, but the guy hasn’t and now it’s just chafing her crotch like crazy as he tries to keep going.” Annnnnd, that’s what lube’s for, people!
  6. “One where they fumble around awkwardly looking for a condom for at least two minutes.” Not like in the movies at all…
  7. “One where the girl gets up to pee right after because she doesn’t want to chance a possible UTI.” Yup!
  8. “One where they haven’t showered or look perfect and they’re like sweaty with major morning breath.” Not very romantic—but totally hot!
  9. “One where he gives you a towel after.” Prince Charming!
  10. “One where oral is performed with a gag reflex.” It happens.
  11. “One where they shower before sex because not everyone wants to have sweaty, possible body odor-involved sex.” Shower sex is hot!
  12. “One where someone is going down on the other person for a LONG time, but like nothing is happening and the person going down now has lock jaw.” Nope, won’t see that on screen.

Looking for some real sex? This ain’t Hollywood, but we definitely make magic happen on NiteFlirt!

Check out more sex scenarios you won’t see on TV: https://www.buzzfeed.com/crystalro/straight-sex-scenes-we-wish-we-saw-on-tv

This Is The Porn People Watched In 2017

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Screen Shot 2015-08-06 at 4.12.01 PM2017 was a big year for uploading and viewing porn. According to Pornhub’s annual data analytics report, there were a mind-boggling 23 billion visits to the porn mega-site last year, or 64 million visits per day! Wondering what porn viewers were searching for?

The top three trending searches were “Porn for Women,” “Rick and Morty” and “Fidget Spinners.” Virtual reality porn also continued to grow in popularity, but “lesbian” is the real star of 2017, coming in as the top single search term. Riley Reid and Jordi El Nino Polla were the top searched-for female and male porn stars, respectively. Some other interesting findings: people stopped watching porn for the solar eclipse, the Game of Thrones finale, and the iPhone X live Event. Oh, and Sunday is the busiest day on Pornhub.

What turns you on? Come check out NiteFlirt’s X-rated offerings!

Here’s more about Pornhub’s 2017 Year In Review: https://www.forbes.com/sites/curtissilver/2018/01/09/pornhub-2017-year-in-review-insights-report-reveals-statistical-proof-we-love-porn

7 Kinky Sex Toys To Give Your Sex Life A Boost This Year

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best_phone_sex_niteflirt_dildosIf you only make one new year’s resolution in 2018, let it be this: to explore the kink you’ve always wanted to try. Kinky sex and BDSM are just what you need to get the new year started off right. Here are 7 sex toys to help you keep that resolution going well past January.

  1. Babeland Cotton Bondage RopeThese are great for BDSM beginners because they’re super comfortable, won’t chafe, but still hold a knot well.
  2. Bondage Boutique Beginners Small Ball GagThis bondage gag is smaller than more advanced ones and soft enough to bite down on—perfect for a first-timer.
  3. Pipedream Fetish Fantasy Series Alligator Nipple ClampsAdd some pain and restraint to your sex routine with these adjustable clamps.
  4. Bondage Boutique Furry Spanking PaddleGet spanked with this double-sided puddle that offers a soft and furry option and a more hardcore matte leather side.
  5. Bondage Boutique Soft BlindfoldTry sensory deprivation with this silky blindfold—it’ll make all the other sensations that much more intense.
  6. Pipedream Two Timer Double Leg and Arm RestraintsThese double restraints will let you bond your partner’s arms, legs, or both at the same time.
  7. Sportsheet Door Jam Sex SlingThis sexy swing hangs in any doorway and will definitely take your sex life to new heights!

Looking to give your sex life a boost? We are all about kink in 2018 on NiteFlirt!

Check out more sex toys for a very kinky new year: https://www.refinery29.com/kink-products-2018#slide-9

Subway’s Accidental BDSM Tweet

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Subway’s been very very naughty on Twitter. The fast-food chain recently posted a tweet that many people believe implied BDSM. “In 2017 we subbed, we loved, and we sub-loved. All in all, pretty good year,” the tweet says.

With the words “sub-love,” people on Twitter immediately picked up on the tweet’s sexual undertones. As one person asked, “how many times do you receive dom jokes per day and do they ever get tiring?” Another person said, “as a subber, thank you so much.” Subway replied to the tweets as if the company had no idea what people were talking about—or else maybe it’s all part of the sub-dom play!

Looking for something kinky? Come get some sub-love on NiteFlirt!

Check out more about Subway’s accidental BDSM tweet: https://www.dailydot.com/unclick/subway-sub-tweet/

‘May The Force Be In You’: The ‘Star Wars’ Gay Porn Parody

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Courtesy of woodrocket.com

Image Credit: Woodrocket.com

A long time ago in a gaylaxy far, far away…there was a Star Wars gay porn parody! Men.com just released the trailer for their latest XXX film, “May The Force Be In You,” which is definitely as exciting as you’d expect. In the exclusive trailer (watch below), Luke Skywalker (Luke Adams) starts things off with a Stormtrooper gangbang session!

Another out-of-this-world sex scene involves Han Solo (Dennis West) getting fucked by none other than Darth Vader. Director Christian Boushey said, “I have spoken to many gay men who love Star Wars and fantasize over the characters and the stories.” He added, “I think the costumes are part of the appeal, particularly the storm troopers and Darth Vader because of the anonymity factor. I also think that the mentoring relationships between the master and the apprentice have a queer appeal.” May the force be in you!

Looking for some out-of-this-world sex? Come experience your fantasies on NiteFlirt!

Check out more about the Star Wars gay porn parody: https://thegailygrind.com/2015/12/17/star-wars-gay-porn-parody/

Man With 1.5-Foot-Long Dick Claims Work Is Hard To Come By

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inflatable-tubeA man with a 1.5-foot-long cock has registered for disabilities because his member is preventing him from penetrating the job market. He says it’s impossible to keep a job since he can’t kneel, or even wear a uniform. The man considers his giant dick his pride and joy, despite the difficulties with work and with finding romantic partners who would be game.

“I’m happy with my penis,” he said. “I know nobody has the size I have.” There’s one job the man thinks he can do, though—porn. He wants to get into the porn industry where he’d make “a lot of money.” He also thinks he’d be able to meet a girlfriend—you know, the right woman for the job.

Looking for something hardcore? Let’s get extreme on NiteFlirt!

Check out more about the man with the 1.5-foot-long cock: https://nypost.com/2017/12/21/man-with-1-5-foot-long-member-claims-work-is-hard-to-come-by/

There’s Now A ‘Hamilton’ Porn Parody

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13908526896_b6596f14a8_zAmerica’s forefathers have never been raunchier than in the new porn parody of the hit Broadway musical “Hamilton.” WoodRocket has just released “Hamiltoe,” the sex-enhanced story of one of our nation’s greatest “pounding fathers.” Adult film star Tommy Pistol takes Lin-Manuel Miranda’s place as Alexander Hamiltoe.

The X-rated pornsical takes place in 1769, when our hero Hamiltoe invents the threesome, with the help of the two “Fister Sisters.” Other pounding fathers include Cumas Jefferson, James Madickson, and Aaron Bonerr, who eventually squares off with a very horny Hamilton in a “penis duel.” We guarantee historical musicals have never been more entertaining—or filthy—as Hamiltoe!

Looking for some x-rated entertainment? Come get raunchy with us on NiteFlirt!

Check out the trailer for “Hamiltoe”: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/hamilton-porn-parody_us_5a2ae505e4b073789f698892

Harvard Hosts Annual ‘Anal Sex 101’ Class

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cuckoldHarvard students who aspire to be at the bottom of the class are signing up for “Anal Sex 101.” The prestigious Ivy League hosts the class annually as part of Sex Week, which also offers classes like “Kink 101” and “Beyond the Hub: Broadening Your Porn Horizons.” “It’s all about practice, practice, practice,” instructor Natasha tells the pupils at the nation’s No. 2 college.

Students learn how to relax their rectums and the importance of butt plugs as they’re schooled on the ins and outs of sodomy. “Not all men have penises, not all women have vaginas … the butthole is the great sexual equalizer. All humans have a butthole,” says Natasha. Some lucky raffle winners take home vibrators, and everyone walks away with free condoms and sex toy cleaners—not to mention a million dollar sexual education!

Looking for top-notch sexual education yourself? We can show you all the ins and outs here at NiteFlirt!

Check out more about Anal Sex 101 at Harvard: https://nypost.com/2017/11/08/harvard-hosts-annual-anal-sex-101-class/